Diary of a Corpse

I turned 21 yesterday!

Go me!

Well, well, well....

It's been almost a year since I wrote in this contraption.

And just when you were convinced that I'd vanished, I slink back out from the shadow from whence I came..... err, or something!

So yeah! The past 12 months has been quite eventful in it's own little charming way... Last year (as in 2005) was alright. Got my fair share of partying done, uni, the usual...

This year has started off with not so much as a bang, but more of a strange pop, followed by a hissing sound. This year, I'm taking a year off from my studies at university, and I have every intention of using this year to be the time when I gather myself, actually get out and experience the world a little more, get a job, save money, and hopefully even get that car I've been needing for ages! lol!

I have a job now, which is alright... I'm working at my sister Audrey's workplace, which is a small software company called QSR International, that makes software to be used by people conducting all sorts of research. Fascinating. MY job at this place is to process client orders, invoices, and all sorts of boring Admin crap. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, considering it's a 9-5 office type job... Everyone there is really nice and chilled-out.

As for REAL life, well, it's been chaotic as per usual.

In the course of the past 3 months, I had 3 friends die, followed by the usual grief, anguish, and punching of inanimate objects. However, I was quite pleased to find that I actually coped really well, despite how bad it seemed at the time. In my opinion, I think that the way I handled myself was a reflection of how much I must have grown as a person, and an overall change for the better in my perspective of life, and all it's dramas.

It all happened, I coped, and now I'm perfectly fine. I'm happy about passing through this spontaneous shitstorm without the expected headfuck I used to get.

********************WARNING: RANT ALERT*********************

Life is just such a big fucking mystery. Occasionally, I'll have people ask me about my thoughts on life, reality, existence, and all that deep shit. MY belief on all that shit is that there IS no "meaning" of life. Life is just this blank sketch-book you're given, and when you're born, you're given a set of coloured crayons and told to "go for it". In my twisted little view of the world, my opinion is that there are two sorts of people in life. There are what I call "active players", and there are the "drones". Drones are the people you see every day, those people that are there and alive, but they seem to be part of the scenery. These kind of people are born, and they live their life following the preset pathways that are laid down for them by countless millions that came before them. Be born, go to school to go to university to get a well-paying job to buy a house and all the shit they feel they need. And then there are the players. Players are the people that stop and think about what's happening around them, and they question why things are the way they appear to be. Sometimes they find the answer that works for them, and sometimes they continue playing the game and trying to make some sense of this crazy place for the rest of there time.

So, what's my view on life? See, it's basic. You're born, you live, and you die. Some people try their hardest to make their mark on the world, and some people spend their whole lives working in a job they hate so they can afford what they think they need. Well, you know what? At the end of the day, you're dead, and all that shit you worked at trying to justify your existence means precisely SHIT. See, you die, and all the people that remember you eventually die as well, so at the end of it all, nobody gives a shit who you were and what you did. You may as well have not even lived, right? Not exactly. See, we're born into this world, and there are limitless possibilities that exist. We have a limited time here in this reality. MY meaning of living this rollercoaster ride is that during your time here, get out there and experience as much as you can! Do things, learn, explore, create. LIVE FUCKING LIFE. Don't be afraid to fuck up. Don't be afraid to push your boundaries. Don't be scared of the short-term consequences (within reason, of course! lol), because every experience is something you learn from, and gain wisdom from, and every experience teaches you something more about this crazy thing that we call life. Therefore, EVERY experience, good or bad, at the end of the day, counts as a positive contribution to the organism that you are, and adds to your reality.

See, nothing is set in stone.

Reality is what you make it.

So those people who sit back and question there reality, and read too much into everything that goes on around them should wake up and realise that life is what you make with what's given to you, because questioning reality will drive you mad. Don't question life, embrace it.

This brings us back to that blank sketch-book I was crapping on about earlier. In simple terms, life is that blank sketch-book and set of coloured crayons. It can be anything you want it to be, but first you gotta embrace it, let go of all your shit, pick up your crayon, and start drawing. The more you experience your life and your reality, the more pages you fill in your book.

All that shit I just babbled is jnot necessarily "right" by any means, the belief that there is a "right" and "wrong" on such issues is a phallacy in itself. These are just the ramblings of someone who spends a lot of time thinking, and is therefore, clearly insane! :P


************************************END RANT**********************************

So... What other fascinating things about my life have I got to babble on at you about for today?

I've decided to give fire twirling another go. When I was at Rainbow Serpent (a 4-day bush doof), I bought myself a fire staff, which I'm quite happy with. I also befriended some people at the same event, who said that I should start coming along to the twirling gatherings at the Edinburgh Gardens, which are on every Wednesday night. So now I have a glow staff AND a fire staff, and I daresay these toys will be a good source of fun.

So yeah. Life is as it always has been, and always will be. Interesting.

And after my long absense from the land of LiveJournal, I'm glad to proclaim that I'm back, and that you shall all face the brute force of my ability to talk complete and utter SHIT.

lol,

I'll finish this entry here, otherwise I could go on forever.

-Graham-

Well, today was FUCKED.
I'm currently in the middle of the biggest fight I've ever had with my parents, which has developed into a big complicated fucked up fued between my sisters and me, versus my parents. It's difficult to explain, so I won't go into detail here.... It's just too fucking emotionally draining.

I found the dead body of a kid who OD'd on heroin today, near my uni when I went to get a drink from the milk bar... I swear to god, he must have only been about 13... I saw him in an alleyway, so I went to check if he was alright, and he was fucking dead, needle still in his hand... I'm still freaky about that experience at the moment.

Sometimes I wonder, I really do...

Oh well... Some fucking birthday today has been... I'm 20 now.

*sigh* I have to go back to Uni tomorrow... At least I'll get to see all the cool people there, but then again, there are also the creepy people!

Graham is taking his first steps toward getting A REAL JOB! *shock! horror!* I'm going on a bombing raid, dropping off many copies of my resume in all places that I see fit for a me. Must be in the CBD, and be willing to take someone with weird hours...

My grand master plan is to save away a shitload of money and buy a freakin' CAR of my own, dammit! And what's more, have cashflow enough to RUN the fuckin' thing.

In the meantime, I'll just do the starving muso waiting for work thing...

Fun fun fun.

Well, in my last entry I posted that I would write about the Gospel of Dance 2nd Birthday bash, and about Pharmacy, so here goes...

Gospel of Dance 2nd Birthday

This was a great night... I rocked up to the Hi-Fi Bar, and met up with my mate, and honourary twin sister Lozz, and we were inseperable the whole night, there were many fun times and antics! At the start of the night, Tim, one of my best friends' ex's was playing a ripper set, and because of everyone's not having arrived yet, I enjoyed a huge expanse of open dance floor with two other mates... Later on, the venue started filling up quite rapidly, and to my surprise, I bumped into a family friend who had known me since I was 7, and we partied for a little, until he had to rescue his sick mate and take him home...

Probably the highlight of my night was toward the end, where another DJ friend of mine, DJ St. Luke, noticed my presence front and center on the dance floor, and played my FAVOURITE SONG, all for ME! YAY!!!

Pharmacy: Appetite for Destruction

Pharmacy was undoubtedly the BEST NIGHT I've ever had. No shit... It was at the Metro, which I must admit is NOT my favourite venue, but god damn, the joint was jumpin! I got to see all my favourite artists play: Cosmic Gate, A*S*Y*S, Walt, and HELLRAISER!!! Most of the night was spent with Smartie, running around on crazy missions all night long, watching it all from the balconies, and rocking it on the dance floor, which was too packed to move! Lol! I met sooooo many people that night, half of which I'm not gonna remember very well, purely for the fact that there were so damn many of em! I had a fucking BALL...

The lighting was fucking amazing, the company was great, the music was mindblowing, and the night was complete....

-----

So those were my last two big nights out... Tomorrow night, I'm heading out with Lozz to Elevation, and I think I'll make that one a big one, cos it's my last night out before I start Uni again on Monday...

This year at Uni, it is my full intention to be MOTIVATED, ORGANISED, AND A GOOD BOY! It's gonna be hard, but I'm gonna go hard this year, and I sure as hell hope this current state of motivation will last me more than a week! I think a problem with last year's effort was that I had no real structure, and that disorganisation, yet again, proved to be a formidable adversary... Not that I did badly or anything, I just wanna see all the marks next to my subjects say "High Distinction" this year!

Damn me and my high standards, but to hell with it. It's a worthwhile idea, I think!

I need more money, too... Maybe actually going out and getting a real job could be on the cards, but, who knows???

Mind me if I'm wrong man, but I think yooooouuuuuu're paaaraaaanooooooooid...

Me and my mate Jimmy from Uni have a grand master plan for this year... As well as the torrent of motivation and HDs I referred to earlier, we're going to make a band. We had the idea for the band last year, when we were having one of our lunchtime discussions about fusing different genres of music, and we came up with an idea of fusing Electronic Music, Rock, and Classical. It sounds really whacked out and strange, and it's insane but it could work! We're going to base our music around all the shit that we're learning at the Conservatorium, and it'll turn out something like this: crazy drumloops and acid basslines going crazy around proper classical chord progressions, and distorted metal guitars screaming out insane solos.

*drools*

I think it should work out quite nicely, and if it doesn't, it'll still be a decent creative outlet for the year at least!

Do you know what nemesis means?

I think I've reached that point people reach in their LiveJournal entries, where the ramblings start to peter out, and, to put it in layman's terms, one runs out of stuff to crap on about... Shit.

So uhh... The End?

Bah Humbug...


I was gonna write a big long entry about my times at the Gospel Of Dance 2nd Birthday at the Hi-Fi Bar, and also about Pharmacy - Appetite For Destruction at The Metro, but I can't be stuffed at this point in time. I'll write later.

I don't like Valentine's Day.

Stuff is stuff is stuff is stuff as usual... Since my last update, I've been doing more enjoying of holidays, going out, and general shennanigans. DAMN I just realised that I hadn't updated since before new year's!

Ahh well, here goes...

New Year's Eve

Well, NYE was massive, the venue was great, the people were awesome, and the DJs in every room were spinning all the gold tracks. I worked my butt off for that event, and it was great to see 4,000 people having the time of their lives! Got pretty trashed, danced like crazy, went back to Brigitte's with Jess, we slept for a while, and then headed out to Sunshine People the next day!

New Year's Day

NYD was great. The sun was out, the weather was perfect, and Sunshine People ROCKED! I was running around goin nuts, bumping into people I hadn't seen for ages, and generally had fun. Drank a bit too much, as usual, had a ball, and rocked it hard!

That's basically it for my new year's experience... I was damn happy, and had shitloads of fun.

So what's new? Not much... Just squeezing in enjoyment before the routine of Uni kicks in again... I have an important assessment for uni on the 2nd... I'm shitting myself.

Damn this coffee is good!

I have a track stuck in my head that seems to be my favourite at the moment, so I'm happy!
This is the sound of overload...

I've been seeing a lot of Jenn lately, which is great... Jess too, which is great as well. My social life is becoming a vast and complicated beast, with many people wishing to catch up. Thank god for my diary.

I'm rambling at the moment, and I can't concentrate, so I'm just gonna leave this alone now...

Well, yes... It's been a while since my last post, I've been slack again.

Let's start at the start.

ADVENT*JAH AT KRYAL CASTLE
Well, I can safely say that I think I may have literally had the time of my life on this weekend...

I woke up on the morning of Saturday December the 11th, washed the car, and got all my gear together. Kate, Jess, and Tim rocked up, and after a bit of a chat with mum and organising stuff out of there cars, we all piled into my car and zoomed off... The road-trip up there was great fun! Going down the Western Freeway at 110 km/h, seeing other carloads of ravers heading up to the holy land, everyone hanging out the window and screaming "FUCKEN YEAAAAAAH!!! SEE YOU THERE!!!" at the other carloads... Then we pulled into a service centre to get something to eat, and WHAM! We walked in, and the joint was full of ravers, all decked out in there phatties, and kandi'd up to the 9's!

We ate, and got back on the road, and headed up to Daylesford to Jade's house, where I parked the car, and met up with the other guys we were heading up with... We all got in a Maxi-Taxi, and went up to Kryal Castle! My god, taking the turn-off, and heading up the road, with the castle getting closer and bigger was god-damn exciting... We were finally bloody THERE! Hopped out, got checked over by security before getting in, and man, we were fucking THERE!!!

Two words can describe the time me and my mates had up there: FUCKING EPIC. The lasers were wicked, and us Smile Police crew had our own room goin on, with some of the best music that was played that night... There was fun, frivolity, shenannigans, and wickedness... In the morning, they played Expansion... That was so damn good... The sun was rising through the trees over the hill, and everyone was in the main arena going off, it was the best!

So it was over. We headed back to Jade's place, crashed, and had a few hours sleep before bumming around, and heading back to Melbourne. Got home, the others got into their respective automobiles, and were off... Then, my friends, I crashed!

So yah, that was the weekend of the 11th...

The next weekend was good too!

Headed over to Cat's house (she lives down my street), and bummed around there, and then Jenn and Kali arrived... After much more doing nothing, Brigitte arrived, gave Jenn a lift back to the station, cos she was tired, and we went to Bass Station, and had a general good night... The next day, I got a text message at about 8, saying "Hey Graham, me Tim and Jess are going to a bush doof. Do you wanna come? luv Brig." I said "Hell yeah!" and so it was on! They came and picked me up from my place, and we headed back out toward ballarat for about an hour, and then took some weird turnoff, and found ourselves driving through this thickass FOREST for about an hour, it was trippy... We caught up to two other cars who seemed to know where they were going, so we followed em, the forest around us was getting thicker and thicker, and we were going more and more into the middle of nowhere... Then, out of the blue, there was a whole heap of other cars parked either side of the little road, a clearing, pumping music and trippy lights in the trees! We found it! lol!

It was pretty damn cool! They played some great tunes, I went offskis as per usual, and it was nice being out in the middle of nowhere, in a forest, having a party! We decided to pike early, as we had had a big night the night before, and left at about 3ish, got back to Brigitte's house, crashed, and got up to go to choir.

Christmas was alright... Every year, my family always has our Christmas on the 27th, because we're all too busy on the 25th and 26th, with my sisters having in-laws and stuff to go to... Christmas Eve, I had the usual massive service at the Cathedral, sang, went home, and decided to go to Cat's place, cos I knew she'd be on her own... We hung around and stuff, had a couple of drinks, the usual... The next day, I had the Christmas Day sevice, blah blah blah... AFter that, Mum, Dad, and I went and had lunch with our family friends, which was pretty cool... Got home, and Jenn rang, so I met up with her in the city, took photos, and then we both headed to Cat's place for a bit of a party... I didn't drink or anything, so I gave Jenn a lift home.

Yesterday, our family did the Christmas thing quite successfully.. Went to my sister's place to have it, as we normally do, had about 13 people there, did the presents thing, and yeab... Fun fun frivolity.
After the festivities, I went to Jess' place, and we had the whole place to ourselves which was nice... Her family had gone up to Yarrawonga or something for the next week. We stayed up late listening to music, making kandi, and bitching... Stayed the night, got up this morning, and came home, and started writing this journal entry!

Preparing for New Years... Ladies and Gents, it's gonna be a HUGE one... G.O.D NYE is gonna go OFF! I've been a good little promoter, and worked my ass off trying to make it as big as big can be! I've got my ticket, my VIP Crew pass, and I'm stoked!

Man, 3 more days!!!

So yeah... I think this entry's sizable enough already... Don't you?

Went out to Abyss' "Last Ever" night Friday night, twas muchly fun... The place was absolutely packed, and they opened al three levels which was COOL! I saw a couple of cool people, and a couple of not-so-cool people, but it was all good, because I didn't have to be in the closest of quarters with the latter part of that equation.

Today should be good as well, there's a Smile Police and Gospel of Dance crew barbeque in the afternoon, which sounds as if it's gonna be lots of fun... Good tunes and good company, as my mate said.

It was funny last night though, I was in the middle of messaging my friend Jess, and out of the blue came a message from Alex (my ex) just saying "Hi, how are you?" In that sort of context, I took it as a kind of "ummmm hi... wanna chat? if you don't then that's cool" kinda message, so I rang her back immediately (courtesy of free calls between Optus phones) and we had a good chat for about an hour... It was good hearing from her again, I kinda assumed that we'd dropped outta contact. I was glad to hear that she's quite well, and everything's going smoothly for her...

Good on her, lol!

The OTHER Alex is leaving for Scotland on Wednesday. I saw her at Abyss on Friday night, and she seems VERY eager to do something before she leaves.

Counting down the days, the hours, the MINUTES until Advent*Jah at Kryal Castle! I'm even more excited now that it's within sight! *does the happy dance* It's gonna be a great great GREAT time!!! Jess rang me earlier and we chatted about the bbq today, and she's excited too! In the words of her: "Our crazy road-trip is almost here!!!" lol!

Cheesy 80's music ROCKS!

I stayed up too late again, the sun's already up... *awkward face*

Must sleep a little before getting into action...

You scored as Derranged Cat. Wow. . . lay off the halucinogenics and brush your hair once in a while. You're one sick, derranged s.o.b. </td> Derranged Cat 58% Pissed at the World Cat 42% Love Machine Cat 33% Drunk Cat 25% Ninja Cat 17% Couch Potato Cat 17% Nerd Cat 0% Which Absurd Cat are you? created with QuizFarm.com

That's all for now kids.